Monday, August 26, 2013

One month

Has it really been that long since I have sat down and spouted off my life happenings here.  Wow!  I truly have thought to myself, hey I need to write something out, but life gets in the way sometimes.  I love how people say that you should just leave the mess and not worry about it.  Let the kids play and spend time with them.  Well, sometimes I just can't do that.  To me when I have a messy or dirty house it just stresses me out. Plus if my house is clean and picked up I know where all the bugs are and if there are new ones coming in the house.  Case in point, today while sweeping my bathroom floor I found a baby scorpion.  It was alive this time unlike last.  It was a little thing and I hear those are the worse for stings.  They will sting and just release a ton of venom.  What is most disturbing about this scorpion is that the exterminator was here not even a month ago!

I will use nap time to get some cleaning done or do something that I have really wanted to do or sometimes just take a nap myself.  There is one thing that I REALLY need to sit down and do since it was started a year ago.  That is Charlee's Christmas stocking.  I didn't feel bad for not completing before Christmas since she was basically just one month old.  Lordy, thinking about getting that project out again is daunting.  I am scrambling to get this birthday memory book done for Willow's 3rd birthday.  It is a book that starts at age three and that age is approaching in less then a month.

Tim and I have also been busy making this house into a home, our home.  I didn't know how to describe the feeling we got when we were done with a lot of painting, until I got in touch with my window coverings guy.  His business is called House to Home.  That just hit the nail on the head.   It was a house when we moved in but didn't become a home until we put our personal taste and decorating into it. 

There is so much that has happened that I might have to break this up and write separate posts.  I am not promising anything but I will try my best. The one thing that I struggled with this month is death.  These thoughts were brought on by the death of my Uncle Jim, uncle by marriage.  He had been ill off and on and beat some great odds.  Working in the health care I have seen death but never once have I really thought about it in such a manner.  I think when you are around it with your job you kind of detach yourself from it a bit, plus the person who is or has died is not a family member. 

My uncle had gone to the hospital for some fluid retention in his legs.  He was found to have some pulmonary hypertension and was getting some fluid in his lungs.  With my background, I knew this was not good.  Eventually it came out that he really couldn't win this one and he was looking at death.  This is what bothered me, that he knew he was going to die.  I couldn't even imagine what was rolling through his head all the time.  How could one sleep?  Then on the other side of it how was his wife, my Aunt, dealing with the news.  Your husband is going to leave you forever.  Just counting down the days would be extremely hard not knowing when exactly it was coming.  Could you get out all the "I love you's" in that amount of unknown time. Did you let people know you were sorry for that one thing you regretted? Ahhh, this really ate at me. 

Then I couldn't stop thinking about if death just happened out of the blue.  Bam, one minute you have your loved one then out of nowhere they are gone.  This is what happened to my mom, my real dad.  At 28 my dad was killed in a car accident.  A drunk driver hit his truck that was carrying him, my pregnant mom ( with me) and my sister.  My dad was killed instantly and my mom and sister were thrown from the truck.  Here is a young woman who's husband who died, had a little 5 year old and another child on the way.  How do you pick up and go on?  Did you get that one last I love you out and let them know how much you love them?  What about the plans you had for that weekend to spend together?  What is worse, not knowing or knowing death is near?

Okay so maybe this post ended up being a little heavy but it has been on my mind and just made me think about things a little differently.  I promise the next post won't be such a downer.  

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